We're the parents of a 12 year old!

In January, we posted about our youngest daughter because she had a birthday.  In February, we posted about our middle daughter because she had a birthday.  Here we go again... This time, it's our oldest daughter.  Her birthday was March 1.  We're a bit late with this since we were out of town the week of her birthday.

March 1, 2012: Getting her ears pierced.
She's been asking for pierced ears for the majority of her life; we finally said yes.

She was a little nervous before the piercing, but all smiles after it was over.

She's 12 this year.  We're kind of in new territory.  We've gotten fairly used to kids in the preschool age range - we've done that 3 times over.  But this girl blazes new parenting trails for us just about every day.  Really, when you think about it, oldest children - from the very beginning - cause their parents' world to turn upside down.  Each and every oldest child turns his or her parents INTO PARENTS.  And that's one of the bigger changes in life, isn't it?

Age 3: a "flower fairy" for Halloween

In our case, the change (to being parents) was rather sudden and dramatic - but long awaited and much desired.  By the time "Mark and Colleen" became anyone's "Dad and Mom", we had been married nearly 7 years.  In those years, we went through a multitude of tests, a few doctors, several medications, one surgery, and a crazy roller-coaster ride of emotions, fears, and struggles. I suppose there are people who enter marriage with the knowledge that they are infertile - or perhaps suspect that there may be a fertility issue... Not us.  So when the "infertile" bomb hit our lives, it was quite something, to say the least.  Looking back, we realize that those difficult years weren't all bad. We learned and accepted and understood things (really important things) that we may not have otherwise.  The experience of infertility changed both of us for the better.  But enough about that - this is a post about our #1 girl, not the story of what came before her...

Age 8: out for dinner to celebrate her First Holy Communion

So, fast forward a bit to us realizing we were being called to adopt.  Then fast forward some more to us being chosen as parents by a teenage birth mother.  Imagine us in the maternity waiting room of a small county hospital.  Next, imagine a nurse (by the name of Mary Lou) coming through a set of swinging doors carrying the MOST GORGEOUS newborn baby girl we ever saw.  And imagine, if you can, the teenager who gave birth and then selflessly asked the doctor and nurses to let us be the first to hold the baby born to her, but ultimately given to us.  Imagine us sitting in the hospital nursery barely able to believe what was happening - holding, feeding, changing and unconditionally loving a chubby-cheeked, dark-haired, 8 pound bundle of precious life: the answer to our most fervent prayers.

The beginning of our parenthood journey - just minutes after her birth.
(It is hard to believe we're willingly posting this photo. Just bear in mind it was 12 years ago...)

There are more details to her birth and adoption story, of course, but the bottom line is that we're her parents, and as our first child, she keeps us on our toes :)

Age 11: with her sisters :)

We were sort of intense first time parents.  We had maybe 7 weeks to prepare for her arrival, but we read everything we could find in that time - and then continued reading once she was home with us.  We made sure she got the right amount of "tummy time", kept a journal of her feedings, and washed our hands 124 times/day.  I don't mean to tease ourselves too much; we just wanted to be the best parents in the world.  And as time went on we realized that being the best parents - for her - meant understanding the personality she was born with.

6 months

So, what is her personality?  In a word: STRONG.  There is nothing meek or mild about her.  She has strong feelings and strong opinions.  She's always been (or at least wanted to be) independent. Looking back, it's almost as if she resented being a baby and having things done for her - so she worked to learn to do things on her own.  Even as an infant she desperately wanted to hold her own bottle.  She hit all the major milestones (sit, crawl, walk, talk) early.  Despite all our preparation, she seemed to always be one step ahead of us!

Age 10:  Always up for an adventure!

Her strong independent nature is still evident at age 12, but over the years other things have become apparent.  For example, she loves to talk.  Anyone willing to converse can be her friend :) And speaking of friends - she can't have too many.  She loves her friends.  Really, she loves interacting with all people.  We live in a wonderful community where she has the opportunity to spend time with infants, preschoolers, kids her own age, college students, and adults of all ages. On a couple of recent plane rides, she ended up sitting "on her own" due to circumstances beyond our control - and loved every minute of it.  She made friends with whoever happened to be sitting next to her.  On one flight she taught a twenty-something woman to crochet and on another flight she helped an older woman finish her SuDoku puzzle.  It really caught me off guard to hear complete strangers calling goodbye to her (by name) as we left the plane.

Age 6: swim team

Speaking of crochet and SuDoku... she is also wildly creative.  She has been creating and crafting since she was a toddler.  I vividly remember a pair of shoes she made for herself out of scotch tape, a red marker and two pieces of white paper.  Her list of creations is endless, but right now her yarn and crochet hooks are getting the most use.  She can also turn on her sewing machine and whip out something for her American Girl doll, if the feeling strikes her.  Over the years she's been involved in a variety of extra-curricular activities - and enjoyed them all, but her current favorites are ballet and piano.  Oh, and one of her friends is starting a book club; she can't wait for that - reading AND talking!

18 months

We could go on and on about this girl.  She has so many interests and talents.  And we love her so much that it's hard to stop talking about her.  We have treasured every age and stage and we are so excited about the days and years to come.  Birthdays are great: a time to celebrate, but also a time to remember to never stop thanking God for the people in our lives.

Happy birthday to our #1 girl!

The 2nd birthday of 2012

I mentioned last month that our daughters all have birthdays this time of year. We had another one last week; our middle daughter turned 7.

She didn't get a post dedicated to her yet because we spent the entire day of her birthday trying to fly out of a city that was in the midst of a blizzard (we did eventually get a flight) and then we were vacationing and not blog-posting.

The birthday girl at the airport.

What can we tell you about this darling girl?  She is a delight.  Truly.  Many people will refer to a child as sweet, but this girl really lives up to the adjective.  She's caring.  She feels things deeply. She is emotional.  She can turn on the tears faster than most people can blink.  And when she does, it's not fake.  The tears are genuine - and SO BIG!  She's easily upset, and easily pleased.  She wants everyone to be happy.  She could spend complete days giving hugs.  She must be holding a hand, sitting on a lap or putting an arm around someone at all times.  A goodnight kiss is not enough for her.  She needs multiple kisses and wants to always give one more hug - then one more kiss - then another hug... You get the idea.  She gives compliments easily and naturally.  She loves to show - and be shown - affection.  She never can be satisfied with just sitting next to you; she has to pretty much be climbing on you to be comfortable.

5 months old

Very often, at Mass, she will discreetly take one of my hands - and then one of Mark's hands - and put them together.  She just feels better when people who love one another are touching in some way.  This also comes into play during our school day; she insists that she can subtract much better if I am scratching her back while she works!

Going to preschool - age 4

When it comes down to it, she is - simply - peaceful and loving.  She always has been - and we expect she always will be.  Perhaps it's good that she can be an instrument of peace between her older and younger sisters (who both have personalities stronger than steel).  Her very presence has meant peace to our family from the first moment we knew of her existence.

A very sweet 2 year old.

We have had the incredible blessing of 2 adoptions.  This newly turned 7 year old girl is our 2nd child and our 2nd adoption.  When we found out about her we had been waiting nearly 5 years for another child.  We had about 6 weeks to prepare for her arrival, which was plenty - we'd have been ready for her in less than a minute.  The only tricky part was keeping the news from our nearly 5 year old.  You see, 6 months before we'd had a newborn placed with us for several days, but then returned to her birth mother before the adoption was final. We didn't want our oldest daughter to have to suffer through that kind of loss again, so we kept the news of a "possible" new baby sister from her.  All was proceeding smoothly, until about 2 weeks before the expected due date, when we had a fire in our kitchen.  The fire itself wasn't terrible, but the resulting damage was extensive enough that we had to move out of our house for a week. We worried about the baby coming early and not having a home to bring her to.  It was a crazy time, but we did get back in the house before she was born.  We were also able to whisk our older daughter off to my parent's house for a few days so that we could finalize all the legal issues before having her meet her new sister.  The actual adoption process went as hoped and just 3 days after her birth, our 2nd daughter was home with us - in a totally clean, repainted house - thanks to our homeowner's insurance :)

In the hospital nursery (1 day old).  The nursery had 2 rocking chairs that we sat in more or less 'round the clock until the court proceedings occurred that allowed us to take her home.

As an adoptive family, it's impossible to think about the adoption without thinking of the birth family. All children are gifts - of course - but when another human person is involved in the gift-giving, it's extraordinarily profound. Our daughter's birth family made a choice that has such far-reaching implications.  Not only did we gain a daughter, our oldest child became a big sister, our parents welcomed a grandchild, and on and on.  An almost unthinkably difficult - but ultimately loving and unselfish decision - changed countless lives.  We're not birth parents who've placed a child for adoption, so we can't begin to imagine what that is like, but we are forever grateful and pray that her birth family is at peace.

Halloween - age 5.

So back to our birthday girl... she is obviously a joy to us.  No child is perfect, but she's pretty easy. We joke that of our 3 daughters, this one may be with us for the long haul!  She goes back and forth between saying that she'll live with us forever - or that she'll build a house next to us.  Just last week at the post office, the clerk gave both of the younger girls stickers that look sort of like stamps.  The girls both stuck the stickers on their coats and then the clerk asked where they would like to "send themselves."  Daughter #3 (the one who turned 6 last month) immediately piped up and said, "first I'll go to Rome, then to Mexico, then to Grandma and Grandpa's town."  Our sweet birthday girl just said, "I'll get sent home to Mama and Daddy."

Birthday Season Begins!

Our 3 daughters celebrate their birthdays in the next 6 weeks.  It’s kind of nice in late winter to have a reason to eat cake and ice cream every couple weeks.  We start the birthday season with the youngest member of our family – who turns 6 tomorrow, so this post is more or less all about her…

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!” 

―William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

This line very well describes our “baby”.  She started out on the small side at a whopping 6 pounds and has stayed a petite girl to this day.  We were happy when she finally made it onto the height/weight chart that the pediatrician always referenced.  Not that we worried about her size, but the pediatrician seemed to come close to making it an issue a couple times. 

Daddy's girl -then and now

Her “fierceness” is obvious – she never lets her older sisters push her around and she doesn’t hesitate to make her opinions known.  She has a temper that can flare up almost out of nowhere, but then again, she is also the most contrite once she calms down.  Her apologies are very sincere and detailed.  Never a general, “I’m sorry for what I did.”, but rather, a very specific description of her mistakes.

the fierce face then

the fierce face now

Having an (almost) 6 year old youngest child has made us realize that the craziness of baby and toddler years is -sadly- behind us. 

(Unless there are more children in our future, which, of course, is not impossible.  Check your Bible if you don’t believe it.  It’s happened to people even older than us.) 

I see now that what my Mom told me back then is true: while you are in the midst of those years it can sometimes seem that an individual day – or trip to the grocery store – will never end, but then suddenly you realize that you made it – that phase is over – and you can’t quite recall when exactly it ended.  But ended it has: No one here naps anymore; we don’t have to pack a bag (diapers, snacks, toys) just to run errands; we can go to the store without ABSOLUTELY NEEDING the special cart that holds more than one child; There are no gates in our house; we’ve never been in the cry room at our parish (we’ve lived here 2.5 years!); We don’t have outlet covers or cabinet locks; and finally, I don’t get panicky around 4:00 when I realize that there are still 2 - or more – hours until Mark gets home from work.

2 & 3 year old sisters

3 & 4 year old sisters

5 & 6 year old sisters

Our 2 youngest girls are a mere 11 months apart, so tomorrow we will have two six-year-olds.  And one of their favorite things about being so close in age happens: they become twins.  Yes, that’s right: twins.  It makes sense to them.  They are sisters and they are the same age.  In their minds, it helps if they dress alike, but it's not absolutely necessary.  
Thinking about their close ages also brings back memories of the amazing weeks and months around the time of both their births.

1 year old

Without going into the whole story (maybe some other time) it is relevant to know that our first and second daughters are adopted and that our youngest came to us *in the usual way*.  We had been married for nearly 7 years before the birth and adoption of our first child.  Then we had another 5 year wait before the birth and adoption of our second child.  Let us tell you that after that many years, a couple like us feels pretty darn confirmed in the fact that a pregnancy just isn’t going to happen.  That isn't meant to sound like we were defeated or had no hope.  Rather, after that many years, lots of good doctors, etc. and on top of that – 2 adoptions – we just thought of ourselves as “people who adopt” - and we were perfectly at peace with being an adoptive family.  So, when we realized – pretty much out of nowhere – that I was pregnant, we were shocked beyond shocked.  There are levels of surprise in the world, you know?  It’s possible to be surprised about something that you knew was possible, but just didn’t think would happen.  But this was a case of being utterly dumbfounded because the idea that it was possible had gone away YEARS before.

1 day old

So anyway, it is with great fondness that we think back to the days of having a 5 year old, a newborn and being pregnant for the first time.  It was such a neat time.  And, then, our third daughter was born.  And, of course, she adds something to our family that only she can.  She’s very bright.  And super-cute.  Oh, and did we mention fierce?  She loves her sisters, but she’s always valued her own quiet personal time – she’s the only one of the 3 who seems to need time on her own to play quietly and in her own way.  Mark jokes that she got a little bit of his only-child-gene and that's why she wants to be alone sometimes.  When she was little she was a definite wanderer; just when no one was looking she'd wander out of the room and away from the group to explore - or find mischief - on her own.

3 years old

I assume that we do “baby” her a bit.  We still let her climb into our bed if she has a bad dream (a benefit of being petite – she still fits) and we have to remind ourselves that her chore list can be as “heavy” as her next older sister.  I'm sure the other 2 girls could give plenty more examples of our babying her, but let's not ask :)
She’s a kindergartener this year.  And doing a great job.  She’s a whiz at math, really enjoys stories from history, and has mastered phonics to the point that she is reading - which is such a milestone.  The reading thing isn’t really that big of a deal to her though, she just wants to have a loose tooth – oh, and long hair.

Christmas 2011

Happy 6^th birthday, eenie!